Shaleece Coffy

Shaleece Coffy

GEY 3302

Communicating with Older Adults

State College of Florida

July 4, 2021

Abstract

Old age is a challenging stage of life, and older adults experience many challenges. As they grow older, they may experience mental and physical health challenges that require them to be dependent on others for basic activities. They lose control over many areas of their lives, such as their living situations, finances, mobility, and status. Older adults also tend to worry about how they lived their life and how others will remember them to a great extent. Control and legacy are a critical part of old age. Caregivers, family members, and advisors must be careful in communicating with older adults regarding control and legacy. It is imperative to maintain a positive approach to a smooth transition into old age and preparations for the end of life much easier for older adults. This interview focuses on determining the levels of concern for the older adults regarding control and legacy.  

  

  

Keywords: Control, Legacy, old age. 

 

 

  

Interview Questions

  1.    Tell me about yourself: (physical description of the individual including but not limited to  age, physical appearance, cultural background, profession or past profession, volunteer work, living situation/environment, history, etc. (describe the older adult in detail) 

–    Initial: MCC 

Age: 86 years old 

Height: 5’8 

Weight: 72 kg 

Past profession: Teacher 

Volunteer Worker at Church 

A widow for two years 

Five children 

Cleaning my backyard is my everyday exercise 

I love sweets; that is why they have caused Diabetes in me 

Sunday is the family day my grandchildren are visiting me 

I am with my eldest daughter with her family 

I have supported my five children financially with the heritage that my husband left for us. 

What is the most important thing I need to know about you & the reason you feel that way?  

  

MCC: The most important thing you need to know about me is that everyone has called me “Mommy,” from my children to my grandchildren, neighbors, and anyone who sees me outside. I am everybody’s “Mommy.” I am the reason why all the people I know call me that way because I tell them that I do not want to feel old, and I like the sound of Mommy. I think I am still young, and my children are multiplied. Everyone should call me Mommy because it is very heartwarming as it seems somehow they are all related to me; I like that feeling. I am Mommy everywhere, even when it comes to school.  

Who is the one person besides yourself who knows you best? Give me some examples.  

MCC: The only person besides me who knows me best is my daughter-in-law, the wife to my fourth son. She is not literally beside me because she has her own family and house, but she never disappoints me whenever I need her. I am so blessed to have her in my life because she is my human diary, she understands everything about me, and I do not tell her my problems because she already knows when I need something. We had become extremely close to each other from when she married my son, and I can say that she knows how to respect his parents-in-law. She is my best person, and she knows my life to the fullest. 

How do you adjust to the sense of urgency that occurs at times regarding actions and decisions? Give me some examples. 

MCC: As I grow older, I have realized many things in my life, especially in adjusting to my actions and decisions because I am now living in my daughter’s house, and not all the time they can understand and give what I need. I know that because I also know that they are busy with their different paths in life. I need to adjust to avoid being a burden, and I do not want to make my family worry about me even though I am old. I always help myself to live healthily. 

How has your communication with others changed over the years? 

MCC: when I’m in school, my communication is always continually active and transparent because the communication of the learners and the teachers is essential. However, as time passed, the increasing age made communication difficult, and since we cannot prevent that, I chose to retire at 65 years. My body became weak due to age, and I decided to focus on serving God in the church as a volunteer worker. As of now, my communication has changed because of Diabetes. My eyes have been affected; I now have low vision. However, my ears are excellent. That is why I can still understand, listen and understand.  

Is it easier to communicate or more difficult? 

MCC: It is more difficult to communicate for me because I prefer to have eye-to-eye contact with all the people that I talk to; this is because, in the eyes, you can see if they are sincere for what they say. 

•            Do sensory challenges play a part in your communication challenges (hearing, vision, etc.) 

MCC: Yes, as I have told you, my vision was affected because of my Diabetes. The eyes can tell you the truth, and that is one of my challenges now in the way I communicate since I cannot see everyone’s eyes. I can see them but not that clear, just like in the past. 

What is the most important lesson or information that you want others to learn or know from you? 

MCC: The most important lesson and information that I want others to learn from me are to dream big and, of course, achieve it. Make your adolescents busy in achieving their dreams to avoid regret at the end because as you grow older, you will reflect on all the hard work that you have done your entire life. A busy life will turn into a positive outcome someday. If you lose hope today, find the hope tomorrow and work for a beautiful life forever. 

As you are interviewing the older adult – pay close attention to any responses related to control and legacy. 

As I was interviewing Mrs. MCC, I realized her brilliant communication. She was full of academic and moral intelligence. There were so many lessons in every information that she may give even though she had a poor vision. I observed that she was full of love, wisdom, and hope in life. Therefore it meant that she worked hard in everything to have a stable life at her current age. Even though she has poor eyesight, she did not make her a person she was not before, as eyesight is just a tiny part of her. The most important part of her life was how she handled things and how her heart was big with love for those who surrounded her. She controls her life very well to achieve a legacy that can be her trademark as time passes by. 

Reflect and then describe your perspective on this interview and the lessons you learned. 

– As people grow older, there are a lot of realizations that they realize in their life. Two of the essential lessons from Mrs. MCC are that it is necessary to value all the people around a person because they form a person’s environment. They either bring satisfaction, or they get un-comfort-ability which for the old aged people is not desired, and it is an opposing force. The interview was excellent, and interacting with her made me think of how my life in the future when I am old will look like. It also motivated me to continue doing good work and value other people very much in my life because investing in people is one of the most significant investments a person can make. Just like she wants everyone to call her mum, it not only makes her feel young, but it makes her feel loved and comfortable, trusting that no one of those people who call her mum can do anything negative towards her. Therefore it was a good interview, and the lessons learned in the interview are of great importance now and in the years to come. 

 

 

 

  

Understanding Control and Legacy

Solie (2013) explains that the struggle for legacy and control begins in the mid-sixties. Control means the power to direct and influence what happens in one’s life. As people grow into their old age, they experience a loss of control in many aspects of their lives, mainly due to changes in their health and physical strength. They begin to lose control of their lives due to loss of family, identity, their home, their peers, financial independence, among others (Solie, 2013). These losses make the older adult feel helpless. When older adults relinquish control voluntarily, they experience fewer adverse outcomes than forced (Morgan & Brazda, 2013). Communication is a critical part of helping older adults decide when to give up control when it is in their best interest. 

Legacy is the mark that one leaves in the world after they are gone. As older adults near the end of their lives, they become concerned with the impact they made on the world around them. They think of the meaning of their life, their last instructions, how they will be remembered, and the difference they made (Solie, 2013). Legacy is a vital part of one’s life, which gains even more importance near the end of life. 

Experiences of Control and Legacy

I have met and worked with several older adults and viewed their experiences through the concepts of legacy and control. One of these is an old lady at a nursing home where I volunteered. Mary was about eighty years old with chronic arthritis, and she needed help with basic activities such as movement as the disease had ravaged her joints. Despite her physical problems, she was still cognitively fit, and she would entertain her peers and workers with stories from her life. Her family came to visit quite often, and she would discuss important affairs with them. One day as I was cleaning her room, we were chatting, and she told me how hard it was for her to leave her home. Her husband passed away eight years before, and since then, her arthritis got progressively worse. Her children convinced her to come to the nursing home where she had people around all the time. She said that she kept track of all her money, gave donations, and had written a will. She had willingly relinquished control, and she was glad she made the choices she did. 

 

 

  

References

Morgan, L. A., & Brazda, M. A. (2013). Family support and diminished control in older adults: the role of proxy control. Journal of applied gerontology. The official journal of the Southern Gerontological Society, 32(6), 651. 

Solie, D. (2013). “Unlocking the Communication Code of Seniors.” Aging Parent Insights. 

https://www.davidsolie.com/blow/unlocking-communication-code-seniors/