Divorce And The Family

Divorce And The Family

Divorce is basically the termination of a marital union of a married couple. There are as many causes for divorce as there are divorced couples in the world today but most marriages are ended by factors like workaholic tendencies, emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, or in most cases alcohol or drug use. For whatever reason, the consequences of divorce are quite painful for the entire family. The effects are even more severe when there are children involved in the broken marriage. It is children who carry the brunt of the divorce.

In an interview with Dr. Wilmot Hans, a Family Science expert and a divorced father of two, it was established that divorce totally disrupts family relationships causing severe stress to the couple seeking to separate. To the children, the experience can only be described as heart wrenching and very difficult to come to terms with for a long period of time. Dr. Hans described the current divorce rate in the United States as being on a decline from what it used to be in the last century especially in the late 1970s. At that time the rate of divorce had hit a peak of twenty divorces per every one thousand women aged fifteen and above. The 1978 statistics showed a high divorce prevalence of 23 divorces for every 1,000 women. This escalation was attributed to two factors. The first one was the growth of economic independence for both men and women and the second one had to do with advances in birth control that enabled men and women to separate sexual relations from child bearing. The current decline in divorce can be attributed in the fact that many young people are cohabiting instead of getting married such that when a break up happens in such an arrangement it is not regarded as divorce.

In describing the effects of divorce on the couple involved Dr. Hans emphasized the fact that the rising number of broken families makes it important to analyze the underlying factors that lead to divorce. According to demographic variables relevant to divorce almost 50% of marriages today end in divorce compared to the 5% rate in the 10th century (Sweeny and Philips 239). Some of the psychologically related variables that contributed to divorce included communication, anger, and other aspects like attachment.

Communication, he responded, plays an important role in every relationship. It is through communication that couples are able to share their individual feelings. Breakdown in communication adversely affects relationships. Communication still continues to play an important role even after the couples separate in cases where children are involved. This happens especially during negotiations for child care which is a step that involves reduction in conflict and increase in support (Fishel and Scanzioni 95).

A study done by Ahrons found out that lack of communication about childrearing was a major cause of conflict and lack of support (411-428). Another study by Christensen and Shenk showed that couples undergoing divorce had less meaningful and constructive communication and preferred to avoid it altogether than individuals still in a marriage union. There is therefore a relationship between the level of communication and interaction between the couple. This makes it important to properly understand the relationship of a divorced couple as a contributive factor in post-divorce adjustment.

In response to the question about consequences of divorce on children from broken marriages, Dr. Hans pointed out that divorce increases the risks for children to have difficulties while growing up. It is estimated that over 25% of children from divorced families have a problematic childhood phase which might extend through adolescence to young adulthood. Some of the problems these children have include academic problems, over-aggressiveness, and trouble with authorities both in and out of school. They are also likely to develop a low self-esteem and in some cases depression. They also experience problems in relating to their peers and parents. The problems are even worse during adolescence when most of them are most likely to engage in delinquent activities like early sexual activity, and experimenting with drugs. They have difficulties in forming meaningful intimate relationships and in becoming independent from their families.

On the effects of divorce on academic performance of children from divorced families, Dr. Hans stated that by all means of measuring performance, be it class grades or drop out rates, children from divorced families always showed an inferior performance. This trend of poor performance has consistently been found in many states in research studies conducted in many states across the country. Results from school performance reflected this trend although parents and teachers showed different results probably because they might not be able to recognize the existence of the problem.

According to Dr. Hans, academic difficulties experienced by children from divorced families are the result of behavioral problems rather than academic abilities. The trend might also differ between boys and girls with boys showing a more aggressive attitude that leads to problems with school authorities while girls are prone to depression. In both cases, the problems these children experience adversely affect their academic performance because they can neither concentrate on their studies nor put any effort in their school work. This makes it imperative to identify ways to support children from such families.

On the question of behavior change indicators that parents and teachers might observe in a child during divorce or separation, Dr. Hans stated pointed out rebellion and a drop in academic performance. Other signs of stress include irritating and disruptive tendencies. It is important to understand the behavior in view of the changes happening at the child’s home.

He further pointed out that behavior change will vary in regard to the age of the child as each child reacts differently when parents divorce. Common behavioral responses to divorce usually followed the following pattern. Young babies aged two years or below do not usually show any signs of suffering as long as they are given their basic needs by either of the parent especially the mother. Children aged three to five years however tend to be fearful and resort to behaving either immaturely or aggressively. They might find refuge in blanket security blankets or have lapses in toilet training. They are usually confused and can not easily come to terms with the fact that mum or dad has left. However, they will deny that there are changes at home when asked.

As for preschoolers, they are bound to become less imaginative and cooperative while playing with other children. They usually keep to themselves and tend to avoid the company of other children. It is common to observe signs of depression, anxiety, and apathy in their interactions with other children and adults. Children aged six to eight years old are in a position to understand what divorce means are able to deal with it.

Dr. Hans finally responded to the question of the role substance abuse plays as a cause for divorce by pointing out that alcohol and drug abuse was a major factor in divorce cases involving young couples. This was attributed to the fact alcohol and use of marijuana in the United States peaks at the age of twenty and ends after the age of twenty three (Kandel and Logan 660). Unfortunately some young adults develop chronic substance abuse after this age and become drug or alcohol dependent for the rest of their lives unless an intervention is effected (Helzer, Burnam, and McEnvoy 87). An examination of the common patterns of substance abuse is important in understanding why young adult marriages are becoming more fragile. Amato and Previtti found out that 11% of men and women blamed substance abuse was the major cause for their divorce (620). It was only second to claims of infidelity and incompatibility. The high rate of alcohol related problems in couples involved in marital therapy shows the significant contribution alcohol plays in divorce (Halford and Osgarby 250).

Dr. Hans concluded by stating that addiction and a high frequency use of alcohol and other intoxicating substances creates interferences with the development of a marital relationship making one’s responsibilities in the marriage to suffer. This makes it necessary to explore more on effective intervention to avoid young people’s misuse of alcohol and abuse of drugs. This step will in effect strengthen marriages leading to a stable society.

Reflections

I found the interview with Dr. Hans to be more informative on the realities of divorce. He elaborated the main causes of divorce and how it affects the entire family especially children. Of great significance was the fact that among other factors responsible for marital break ups, alcohol and substance abuse ranked only second to infidelity and incompatibility. However even infidelity and issues of incompatibility in some cases had their basis factors that were related to, or were created by, alcohol and drugs. Sanchez and Gager have even provided statistics that show that alcohol abusers have a divorce rate that ranks higher than those who do not use alcohol (722).

Parental alcoholism was even found to have a profound effect on young peoples dating relationships. Larson et al described how chaotic and inconsistent environments as well as frequent conflicts associated with families with an alcoholic parent negatively impacted on the development of interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships among young adult children from a family of an alcoholic (18). These children have problematic behavioral characteristics which include substance abuse, anxiety, problems with communication, mistrust, and intimacy problems among many other dysfunctional attributes.

The interview also shed more light on the reasons why adult children from divorced families had problems maintaining dating relationships. This was because of poor development of interpersonal communication as a result of anger jealousy, and emotional security among other factors (Amato and DeBoer 1038). The implication of these studies therefore suggest that adult children from divorced families show limited skills and inconsistent behavior in areas that facilitate successful dating practices and would as a result fail to function well and efficiently in marital roles. In my opinion it thus follows that one of the major consequences of divorce, especially one that arises from alcohol and drug related causes, is the repetition of the same vicious circle in the children of the divorced couple.

The interview made me realize the importance of a child developing an understanding of parental divorce in order to function efficiently in his or her dating relationships to avoid replicating the parents’ dysfunctional relationships that had eventually to be dissolved. It is also important to understand that when one’s parents’ marriage fails it does not necessarily mean that the child automatically becomes unable to maintain a meaningful relationship with others too. It does not mean that one’s dating relationship is doomed too. Parents may divorce but there is still a wealth of wonderful family processes to draw upon for one’s dating relationships.

For children from divorced families with history of parental alcoholism, family-of-origin therapy is highly recommended. It is however important, I believe, to understand the negative effects of alcoholism that the young adult was exposed to while growing up in a dysfunctional family process. It is very probable that the young adult from a divorced alcoholic family may harbor self-doubts when preparing for marriage. This is probably due to relationship dynamics like commitment, trust, and intimacy.

I also believe that a therapist should focus on eliminating the negative impact of alcoholism on the young adult seeking to commit into a marital relationship in order to instill confidence in him or her. In this regard it is necessary to highlight parental alcoholism as an exploration to its potential negative effects on the young adult’s dating relationship. This can be one way of overcoming the negative effects of divorce in a child from a divorce family.

The interview demonstrated the fact despite all parental differences every child needs to have both parents equally. The love that the child gets from each parent is equally important for a healthy physical and mental development. Should one parent leave due to separation or divorce, it is likely that the child might become depressed and develop feelings of loneliness and insecurity. They believe they have been abandoned and become afraid of losing attachment with their friends and neighbors (Seltzer 236). This actually leads to behavioral problems like impulsiveness and aggressiveness. Such behavioral traits have been found among children of most divorced couples.

The children also show a drop in academic performance since they are so preoccupied with their inner turmoil and problems to give sufficient attention to schoolwork. They may also feel insecure due to financial problems that follow every divorce settlement. In the final analysis the children can not cope with the stress caused by divorce and are very likely to become victims of alcohol and substance abuse.

The interview also underscored the fact that it is every parent’s responsibility to offer emotional and financial responsibility even after being separated from one’s spouse. It is also imperative to mentally prepare one’s children once the decision to divorce has been arrived at. This helps in making the children accept the divorce on a mature level. The decision should be discussed openly in a positive way as well as the reasons for taking this step. It should be a responsibility for both parents to ensure that the children are accorded the necessary financial and emotional support.

Works Cited

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Amato, P. R. and DeBoer, D. D. The Transmission of Marital Instability across Generations:Relationship Skills or Commitment to Marriage? Journal of Marriage and the Family.63 (2001): 1038–1051.

Amato P. R. and Previti D. People’s Reasons for Divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course,and adjustment. J Fam Issues. 24 (2003): 602–26.

Fishel, A, H, and Scanzoni, J, An exploratory study of the post-divorce coparental relationship.Journal of Divorce. 13.2 (1990): 95-119,

Halford W., and Osgarby S. M. Alcohol Abuse in Clients Presenting with Marital Problems. JFam Psychol. 6 (1993): 245–254.

Helzer J. E., Burnam A. and McEvoy L. T. Alcohol abuse and dependence: prevalence by age,sex, and ethnicity. In: Robins L. N., Regier D. A., editors. Psychiatric disorders inAmerica: the Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study. New York: The Free Press. (1991):87–103.

Kandel D. B. and Logan J. A. Patterns of Drug Use from Adolescence to Young Adulthood. I.Periods of Risk for Initiation, Continued Use, And Discontinuation. Am J Public Health74 (1984): 660–666.

Larson, J. H., Holt, B., Wilson, S. M., Medora, N. and Newell, K. Dating Behaviors, Attitudes,and Relationship Satisfaction of Young Adult Children of Alcoholics. AlcoholismTreatment Quarterly, 19.19 (2001): 1–18.

Sanchez, L., and Gager, C. T. Hard Living, Perceived Entitlement to a Great Marriage, andMaritalDissolution. Journal of Marriage and the Family. 62 (2000): 708–722

Seltzer J. A. Consequences of marital dissolution for children. Annu Rev Sociol. 20 (1994): 235-66.

Sweeney, M. M., and Phillips, J, A., Understanding racial differences in marital disruption:Recent trends and explanations. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 66 (2004): 639-650.